May entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival...

May DSMA Blog Carnival - Diabetes can sure be expensive. Insurance can help take away some of the financial burden, but sometimes the things we want, or even need, are not covered by insurance. With that in mind, we turn back to our April 18th chat to Fill in the Blanks on the following sentence .
I wish my insurance company paid for _________because ______________.

I was thinking about what I would add to this sentence and I realized that I have had everything that I needed for my diabetes management covered under my insurance. Even when I requested something out of curiosity, it was covered. I must be very lucky because I hear of so many others who would really love to have a CGM but their insurance company denied it (especially senior citizens on Medicaid or Medicare).

So I will leave it blank and not complain because I have been well taken care of. I only wish that this was the standard for everyone and not the exception!

New day, new dilemma...

I am in a much better place today, thanks to some very wonderful comments on yesterday's post. It's so great to know that support comes when you need it most!

But today....I have a new dilemma. The last infusion site I used was low on my hip, around back (more like the butt, but trying to not go there...). I changed the site yesterday morning. Today I noticed there is a bump there now, it's also warm to the touch and swollen. This has never happened to me before so any advice on how to deal with it would be very appreciated! I've already gone through the worst case scenario in my head and panicked about being rushed to the hospital with a big gaping hole in my butt.....but.....I know that isn't an immediate result. Any suggestions on what I should do? Go to the doctor sooner than later??

Feeling sorry for myself....

This post could have a few different titles....Still not the grandma.....Single mom and a house worth of work ....Lows kicking my ass...... the list would go on and on, but "Feeling sorry for myself" seems to be the best title, let me explain.

Owl hat

Football cocoon

I was really excited for the weekend to come, I really needed the three days off from work and I had "hoped" to make a trip to see my grandson (ooops grandson to me....son of my step-son to them) son's son in PA. I had been talking to him over the last few weeks about getting together to take the "newborn" pictures that I was soooo looking forward to. I'm a professional photographer and I love love love newborn pictures. I even went back to crocheting so I could make the various photo props (egg shell, football cocoon, blankets, newborn hats) so I could photograph him in them. I was so excited and proud of what I was going to create for "all of us" to enjoy. I gave his wife the football cocoon and owl hat that I crocheted as a baby shower gifts..she seemed so excited and loved them. They seemed excited about the newborn pictures too.

I guess I was wrong because I woke up to pictures posted on Facebook of the baby's one month professional pictures. I guess they had a different plan. This is the part where I was feeling sorry for myself.....

So now the weekend plans were no longer to make the trip to PA to take the pictures. When upset, I tend to get really busy and do anything that is labor intensive. I have hedges that spread across my front yard and needed to be trimmed and cleaned up. Great project as far as being labor intensive! I set out to do this, in direct sunlight, high humidity, temperature around 85 degrees and a whole lot of hurt to take out on the unsuspecting hedges. It took me over four hours, a bucket load of sweat and a roll of paper towels (for sopping off sweat) to feel like I had exhausted the anger and hurt.

 What I didn't think about was what the "labor intensive" work would do to my blood sugar! It was ugly!!!! Hence..."Lows kicking my ass" to the tune of a very stubborn reading of 52. I couldn't get the number up from there for quite some time. Felt like a sopping wet, frustrated, exhausted, stumbling, shaking pile of crap-o-la.

So, feeling sorry for myself this weekend was not how I wanted to spend it, but I do have a very well groomed yard complete with beautiful manicured hedges. The pictures will be treasured when I look back at them, someone else's baby will get to wear the things I crocheted when she gives them away, and I will remember this weekend's mantra....When life kicks me in the ass....diabetes is right there to join in on the ass kicking!!!!

D Blog week stalking.....

I haven't posted anything all week because I have been stalking all the blog posts from last week. I have been going through each day's link and trying to read what everyone had to talk about. I have really enjoyed finding many new (well, new to me) blogs and reacquainting myself with those I have always enjoyed reading.

The one thing that was very overwhelming was that I had wanted to comment on most of all the posts I read, but there just isn't enough time. I'm still trying to catch up (and I plan on reading each and every one of them). It's important to me because I want everyone who posted to know that what they had to say was important to me, even if I didn't get a chance to comment...yet!

D Blog Week - Day 7 - Diabetes Hero.....

"Who is your Diabetes Hero??"

My Sons!

Without any doubt, my Diabetes "heroes" are my sons. They never complain about anything relating to my diabetes. They never make me feel bad about all the times that our plans have been postponed, rearranged, rescheduled, canceled or forgotten because I wasn't feeling well or was too affected from a low or high that got in the way. They never get mad at me for it, they just support me. Whatever it is I need them to do, they do it.

They sit on the floor with me while waiting for the bad low to pass. They keep me company when my numbers are too high and I'm irritable, only to keep persuading me to keep checking my bgs. They can give me an injection, use my meter to check my blood sugar level and the "numbers" mean something to them. They know what action needs to be taken when I'm too foggy to give them instructions. They have a cheat sheet of information, taped next to the phone, just in case they need to call emergency. They have me covered!! 

Yet they still let me be mom. They let me have the illusion that I'm the one taking care of them. They are my unselfish, loving, amazing, true heroes. I'm so blessed!

D Blog week -Day 6 - Saturday Snapshots

Unfortunately this weekend was not very conducive to blogging. I wanted to be a part of the entire week so I will add these blogs today....

"Back for the third year, let’s show everyone what life with diabetes looks like! With a nod to the Diabetes 365 project, let’s grab our cameras again and share some more d-related pictures."

Ok, this may not look like it's D-related, but it is. After an exhausting day Saturday at a Lacrosse tournament that lasted six hours, three games and two sunburns, we were done. We had my niece's birthday party immediately following, but another hours drive away. When we got there we were  exhausted. The idea that the party was at a rock climbing venue made it even more daunting.

My son wanted me to climb with him. The thought actually crossed my mind  but then another thought passed through.....what if I hit the wall hard and break my pump......what if my tubing gets caught on one of the rocks.....what if my Dexcom transmitter gets pulled off.....or the infusion site pulls out.....or......or........or...........

As I'm panicking over all the reasons why I shouldn't climb, my son grabs me and says "that's ok mom, you actually climb a mountain every day". I know he was referring to my struggles with Diabetes. He gets it!

D Blog - Day5 - What we wish people knew.....

"Let’s do a little advocating and post what we wish people knew about diabetes."

   "Without insulin I will die"

That's the one thing that I wish people would know. Nothing I eat (or don't eat) do (or not do) will change this fact. No amount of weight loss will reverse it. This is not a temporary condition, it is a life long prognosis. It will never go away. It is chronic. All the gadgets and gizmo's are for the "management" of this disease and the delivery of insulin. The only real absolute is that I will die without insulin.

That scares the hell out of me.

 D Blog - Day 5 - Blog List



D Blog Week - Day 4 - Fantasy Diabetes Device..



"Tell us what your Fantasy Diabetes Device would be?"

Outside of a complete cure, I would love to see an insulin pump that is the size of a Dexcom transmitter... that can hold enough "concentrated" insulin for an entire week...that does not need to be changed for the entire week because the adhesive is that good and it never irritates my skin....that can regulate my insulin basals and boluses through an algorithm that is maintained through an App on my phone that is completely infallible....that can transmit from miles away without interruptions or forgetting it at home....that forwards the data to my Endo so I no longer need to make appointments every three months for blood work because it does it right from the pump...and my insurance company would approve it immediately because I wanted it...hummmm......and it comes with a remote (not that it actually needs one) that is held by a male model with a six pack who follows me everywhere asking me if there is anything he can do for me....ok, I got a little carried away with the fantasy but a girl can dream, right?

Fantasy Diabetes Device blog list

D Blog Week - Day 3 - One thing to improve.....

"We probably all have one thing we could try to do better. Why not make today the day we start working on it."

Now here is a list that I could definitely go on and on about, but I'm asked to find one thing to improve. I've read a few of the blog posts on this subject and I could list so many of the same areas to improve on. I need to exercise. I usually start with all the greatest intentions, get right into a routine, then after a few weeks I start to find reasons (ok, excuses) and I fall off again.

I also really need to keep up with my logging and downloading from my pump and Dexcom. Tracking my bg numbers and reviewing all the information for any tweaking...but I usually start right before my CDE appointment then taper off about a week after (always intending to continue to email her with updates). Let's not even mention doing basal testing....not eat for hours???

I'm usually great with wearing my sensor (CGS) and I keep up with all the calibrating. I'm efficient in this area...until the sensor is at the end of it's cycle and I remove it. I decide to take a "day off" swearing to start another right away. Then a week passes.....

My A1C, now that is definitely were I need a considerable amount of improvement, but the above mentioned areas of improvement make that task so much harder. I'd be really good for one quarter of the year then hit the "holiday" mentality and my A1C goes up with the Christmas lights!

So now after looking at all the areas to improve upon there becomes one very clear answer....the one thing I need to improve on is.....consistency!!!

D Blog Week - Day 2 - One great thing...

D Blog Week - Day 2's question is "Tell us about just one diabetes thing you do spectacularly". Ok....one thing I do spectacularly....a diabetes thing..... I had to think really hard about this one. It seems (to me) that I don't do anything spectacularly in regard to my diabetes care. I'm exhausted every day just trying to keep up with it all. I've had Type 1 for six years and I still feel like I'm new at it.

But I did think of one thing.... I'm really good at seeing the humorous side of it. I don't get embarrassed when I get judgemental looks from shoppers while I rip through a bag of cookies like a ravenous dog during what I call my "Walmart Low"...

or when one of my sons find me sitting on the floor, leaning up against the fridge holding what's left of the cake I made for the party later on...

or when my pump makes a sudden appearance dangling from my dress with the same bounce as a bungee cord while dancing at my nephews wedding...

or when I'm out to dinner and I remember to bolus and go fishing around under my shirt for my pump (which usually sits hooked on my bra) only to look up and realize I've horrified the person I'm with (and maybe entertained a few of the men who happened to notice)...

or when I cut myself and run for my glucose meter so I don't "waste" any blood...

or when I hear any sort of alarm or vibration and I start patting myself down trying to figure out which of the electronic devices I have is alerting me......

or when caught screaming "leave me alone" at my pocketbook (which is buzzing loudly because my Dexcom is pissed that I've ignored the double arrow high)....

This list can go on and on. I find in these embarrassing moments I get to step back and see the lighter side of diabetes. I can still laugh at it. That's spectacular :)

2012 D-Blog Week - Day 1 - Find a Friend

This will be my third year blogging during D-Blog Week and I've loved it more each time because I find so many new blogs that I wouldn't have known about without this challenge. I started reading the linked postings this morning and I already know that I can't choose one over the other. Everyone brings such a vast collection of inspiration and determination to the collective body of the DOC. Each one more unique, each one so personal.

Thinking about the topic of the day also lead me to go back to the blogs of those that I read almost every day. There are bloggers that have a hugh following that everyone knows, bloggers that represent some of the "tools of the trade" and give us invaluable insight into everything from insulin pumps to lancet devices. Bloggers that share openly about their journey and some very funny bloggers that can get me to laugh even on my hardest days (Rena of http://betabuddies.blogspot.com/ has been known to put me in hysterics!!). There are even bloggers that share the most intimate moments that I want to reach out and hug (especially Meri of Our Diabetic Life blog). Each one of them a treasure that I've found.

The one blogger that I consider my "new friend" is Colleen of d-meanderings. She quietly leaves sweet messages of encouragement and gives me support like a friend that you've know for a long time, who knows just what to say. Thinking of a new friend, she came right mind!

Diabetes paraphernalia....

As diabetics, we have LOTS of supplies...pumps, reservoirs, infusion sets, sensors, receivers,  gadgets, cases, meters, logs, vials, pens and more assorted paraphernalia. Mixed with that is an over-excitable interest in the latest and greatest new technology. There's so much to keep up with!

I was reading Sara's post this morning on her blog: Moments of Wonderful,  http://momentsofwonderful.com/2012/05/fastclix-lancing-device-is-faster-better/ and I got so excited! A new lancing device! After reading her post, I did my research and after reading many bad reviews on the lancet that I am presently using (I actually didn't realize that all the issues I have had with this particular device were the same reason for all the negative reviews) I jumped on Amazon looking for the device she posted about...but not the new one, I actually bought the one she had been using before because it seemed that it was very highly praised by her..and not painful! I bought it right then and there.

You see, I have hated checking my bg all along because it was so painful, there was never enough blood for the test strip so I would get the error message, then have to do it multiple times (even more daunting during a very shaky low in the middle of the night). I kept adjusting the 'depth' to draw more blood, but it was more painful. I resigned myself to just yelling ouch every time I had to test. It never occurred to me to seek out another device. A simple change that could make my sore fingers feel better.

So I hope that Sara and all the other T1 advocates realize that what they have to say, even the simplest of things, helps all of us. We get to share information that we may not have realized (even for ourselves) could change things for the better, helping us navigate through all the diabetes paraphernalia!

2012 D-Blog....

I just started to notice banners appearing for the third annual D-Blog week starting May 14th. I am so excited because this is how I came to know about the DOC.

The first year I engaged in the excitement in a stealth manner because I was too shy to participate. I thought "who would want to read what I had to say". What I didn't realize was most everyone feels that way in the beginning. They just do it.

Last year I participated with my new blog and really enjoyed reading all of the other blogs, making many new friends. I was hooked! I follow most of these blogs daily and have cried, laughed, prayed, reassured, smiled, got mad, donated, advised, learned and ((hugged)) along with everyone. I found a much needed support group and dedicated community.

This year I am very excited to participate again. I have a new 10" tablet that I originally bought as a very expensive brag book for my new grandson. I will put it to good use and enjoy another D-Blog week!

If you want more information or would like to participate, you can use this link to Karen's Bitter Sweet Diabetes blog  http://www.bittersweetdiabetes.com/  or just click on the button "2012 D-Blog Week". Happy Blogging!

My son and his pedometer project...

This past week my 12 year old son was working on a school project that he was so excited about. He was to wear a pedometer for the entire week, attached to his pants by a clip. He was to record the intensity of his activity and what the meter reading was at the time. He had two pages he had to complete during the week trial. One with the daily totals and the other with his log of intensity of motion. Again, I mention that he was very excited about the project....

The excitement didn't last for long. The first day he was on top of the "logging" and he gladly displayed his pedometer to anyone who was interested.

By day three he began to complain about having the pedometer hanging from his pants all the time and how it got in the way of things. He contemplated "taking a break" but I reminded him that his findings would be inaccurate if he did. He continued to log his activities, but not with the enthusiasm he had the days before.

By day four he was NOT happy about all the inconveniences of the pedometer and the constant logging and keeping track of his every move. (Ok, now you are getting the slightest grin because you know where this is going....) His mood was definitely shifting and he was forgetting to log in some of his activities, saying that he was too busy with Lacrosse practice and school to keep track of everything. He lost the pedometer once after he got out of his practice gear and "found" it under his pillow (how it got there, he didn't know...hehehe) a few hours later.

Day five he was officially done with the project. The pedometer ended up on the kitchen table and he decided that he no longer wanted to continue with this project (luckily it was on a volunteer basis). He said that he felt trapped wearing the pedometer all the time and he hated having to always log his every move.

He wrapped his arms around me with utter defeat. He was noticeably upset so I hugged him back, letting him know that I wasn't mad he had given up. I told him that it's hard to commit to a project like that because it's not always easy dealing with something so intrusive. He hugged me even harder. After a few moments he looked up at me and said that he didn't want to do it any longer because he felt like he had diabetes (hello...sucker punch!). Wearing the pedometer felt like he was wearing my insulin pump, and logging everything felt like he was doing what I do everyday...logging everything.

I hugged him back, I agreed with him that it was ok with me if he didn't continue with the project, I understood that he had a unique perspective that was coming from years of watching me doing what he had just discovered to be intrusive and relentless. I let him choose to take back his carefree, uninhibited way of being. I didn't want him to feel the way I do, having no choice but to continue to have a pump attached to me daily and logging everything. After all, if given a choice, I would choose to stop  my diabetes too.




Updated my blog roll ~

I just finished updating my DOC blog roll and it's nice and tidy! While I was going through the list of all the blogs that I enjoy following, I stopped at each one and felt like I was visiting an old friend!

Having just become aware of the DOC a year ago, I am amazed at the dedication, support and insight that comes from this community. I don't know what I would have done without the knowledge that there are so many people dealing with the same day to day issues that I face everyday. I am so truly thankful!

I was watching "The Doctors" this morning...

I was watching "The Doctors" this morning particularly because I knew they were addressing the Artificial Pancreas during their discussions. They had a young girl on, who had just completed a trial
with the Bionic Pancreas. As they were talking to her, she mentioned that she never gets "time off" from all the constant diabetes care (as we all well know). When asked what she felt was the best thing about the trial, it was that she could do anything, eat anything, without ever giving it a thought!

I started crying. Sobbing! It was uncontrolled and completely uninhibited. I cried from every cell in my body. I was so surprised and shaken by the reaction I had,  just hearing what she said. It's a concept I don't have anymore. To just exist without all the counting, testing, bolusing, lows, highs, tiredness, crankiness, shakiness, everyday, every hour, every minute.

Bionic Pancreas assists type 1 diabetics by secreting insulin in response to elevated blood sugar levels.

I continued listening to Boston University professor Edward Damiano, Ph.D. explaining how the artificial pancreas trial was performed and when at-home models of the device could be available. He explained that the technology has advanced so much that he believes we will see these systems within the next five years. I can't even imagine!

When I think about it, I believe that this technology will someday be available, hopefully sooner than later. I am so grateful that there are so many people working to develop this system. I'll do my part and help raise funds and awareness. I'll pray and I'll keep my thoughts positive....and I'll dream about the day when I can...just exist...without giving diabetes a thought.

http://thedoctorstv.com/main/show_synopsis/1001?section=synopsis

My Grandson

My Grandson

Although I had previously posted my struggle with finding my place in my stepson's new family...it took one look at this precious baby and my heart knew it's place. He is forever a part of my heart and soul. He is my grandson.

What ever I will end up being "refered" to as is not as important as my connection to this precious child. He is the son of the man I raised as a child and grew to love as my own. He may never read this post, he may never truly understand that a mother loves her children unconditionally, whether she gives birth to them or chooses them, they are forever in her heart!

And to see him hold his son...words can not express the joy it brings. He's a dad now. I'm a grandma!

Welcome Jacob!